Thursday, December 24, 2009

My Christmas Spirit Spark

There was some questioning going on at my house this year about the reality of Santa. Carter told me some kids in his class and on the bus say Santa isn't real but his teacher told them "If you don't believe, you don't receive" My heart sank when he told me this. The few things I truly love about Christmas (and there isn't a whole lot that I truly love about Christmas I should mention) is the innocence, wonder and the magic of what might be. I told the boys my story again about when I was a little girl and saw Santa putting presents under my tree, thinking that would generate some conversation. Callum was the first to speak and asked me if I got less gifts that year because Santa caught me cheating... thanks Callum for putting a negative spin on a perfectly magical story. That question was followed by his statement "I'm staying up all night to watch for him and I'm gonna catch him on video like we did the Tooth Fairy!" He changed his mind once I told him I did in fact get less gifts that year for cheating and I felt a sense of sadness that I was straight faced lying to my kids for my own benefit. Carter could read in me that something about this conversation bothered me and so he put his arms around my neck and looked me in the eye. "Mom, you got the best present of all though... you got the gift of seeing Santa!" There was magic in his eyes. There was belief. There was innocence.
He warmed my heart so much that it was melting in that moment. The guilt I had only seconds before for lying faded and the magical feeling of Christmas finally hit me. Here I was desperately trying to preserve the magic of Christmas for them, but it actually took them to spark it in me. This may be the last year I see that magic and that belief in Carter's eyes and so I've etched it into my memory so I'll always have it to draw on as my Christmas spirit spark in the years ahead.

About Me

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Life-long Vegetarian and proud to be Canadian. Really, I'm a little bit of everything, all rolled into one. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint (I do not feel ashamed) I'm your hell, I'm your dream (I'm nothing in between) You know, I wouldn't want it any other way..... (I'd like to think that song was written about me! lol)