Friday, April 29, 2011

Path Of Thorns Lyrics~Sarah McLachlan

I knew you wanted to tell me
In your voice there was something wrong
But if you would turn your face away from me
You cannot tell me you’re so strong
Just let me ask of you one small thing
As we have shared so many tears
With fervor our dreams we planned a whole life long
Now are scattered on the wind...

In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why

Through the years I’ve grown to love you
Though your commitment to most would offend
But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride
Waiting for you to give in...
You never really tried or so it seems
I’ve had more than myself to blame
I’ve had enough of trying everything
And this time it is the end...

In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why

There’s no more coming back this way
The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns
They’ve torn the life-blood from your naked eyes
Cast aside to be forlorn...

In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why

Funny, how it seems that all I’ve tried to do
Seemed to make no difference to you at all... 

....And This Time It Is The End (Path Of Thorns~Sarah McLachlan)

For a friendship that will be missed.

Monday, April 18, 2011

What Really Matters

It's bittersweet. We put my Grandmother into a home this weekend. It's a good thing for her, but not an easy thing for me to see happen. Over the last few years, it's become evident she cannot look after herself and it saddens me even though I know this is life. In her prime, Mary was a woman of the working world, a social butterfly and good little shopper. The Mary I've seen recently is just the opposite. She spends her time sitting in front of her TV, it's a chore to get her to dress and leave her place and material things no longer matter. It's the one part of her new surroundings that actually stunned me.... This woman spent her lifetime accumulating "stuff" and shopping for "things" and now, she lives in a small room with none of it. When I first walked into the nursing home, I went to her room but she wasn't there. I looked around and noticed she brought only what was most important to her, ....photographs of her family, her favourite quilt and her TV. Thats it. My Dad put some of her furniture in and nailed a few of her decorations to her walls so they aren't so bare and give her something familiar to be around but realistically she has nothing with her in comparrison to what she spent her life accumulating. I stood there for a few minutes telling myself this just isn't right, this just isn't her. I felt horrible that she has had to make this move and felt overwhemled that I didn't do anything to try to stop this from happening to her.

After walking around the home looking for her, I spotted her in the lounge. She had a group of ladies gathered around her as she spoke and in that moment I had a flashback of the Mary that once was. Mary was always the party organizer, "hostess with the mostess" type of lady back in the day and had plenty of friends. As I watched her in her new surroundings I noticed she had a glow about her that told me she was happy to be there and her very distinctive laugh carried out into the hallway (which is what made my sons recognize GG was in a room nearby!) She was delighted to see us, introduced us to her new friends (a few of them gentlemen!) and when we sat down just her and I for coffee she told me she likes it there and I don't need to worry about her. She had spark, she had life and she had happiness about her, so different from the Granma I was watching deteriorate in her own isolated house just weeks ago.  After only two days in this home, I have seen her spirit shine like I haven't seen in a lot of years.

My husband and I have always been more about "doing" than we are about "having" but this is definately an eye opener for us in really knowing one day we will leave it all behind. Life as I see it should be spent absorbing energies that fill us with positiveness because in the end the "stuff" won't matter ....but the life experiences, personal encounters and your overall well being will, and will empower your spirit to shine bright. And THAT is what really matters.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Whole Life

I believe our Whole Being looks something like a pie shape and is made up of many different pieces, created by our passions. I think some people try too hard to find themselves in order to feel as though they "fit in" to a specific category or type of person and I kinda think they've got it all wrong. We're naturally drawn to certain people, music and other things in life.. When we focus on the things we love, we flourish and it contributes to the person we are as a whole. If we continually add positivemess into our lives, the negativeness will be easier to digest when it comes our way. It's all about balance.
Some of my greatest passions in my life are my family, my children. They fill me with light and absolutely amaze me each and everyday. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father to my boys than Chris. He keeps them in line while tolerating all that a good Daddy should tolerate. He loves us with all his heart.... and it shows. When I think about my kids or look at them, I'm amazed that we contributed in creating such beauty in this lifetime already. If I raise them right, they will do good things for our world.... the possibilities of what they can accomplish are limitless. I'm not sure if I can even describe in wordes how that makes me feel. But it's another piece that fills my pie proudly!
I like most people. Not all people, but most. There are strangers and aquintences who pass through my life who make my day right through conversation, gestures or vibes, but I have friends who have the capability to actually make my soul smile. When people intentionally or unintentionally drain energy from me I have an awareness about it and so I can handle it before it gets too low. All of these people, negative or positive, play a part in making me whole.
I'm drawn and facinated by things that other people may never aknowledge. These things lift my spirit, clear my mind and give me the piece of the pie that I'd say is driven by desire. It's an appreciation for a deep breath of fresh air on a warm sunny day knowing I need to contribute in everyway I can to save this planet so our future generations can experience that too. It's the joy I feel in watching someone play the guitar and know that I am capable of learning it too. It's the sense of willingness I experience when I think about people who are less fortunate in this world and knowing I have it in me to make a difference for them somehow, someway in this lifetime. It's knowing how to get a little crazy and have fun but with style and grace. There is always a desire to stay classy in all that I do. Doesn't mean I actually do this all the time, just means it's what I strive for. It's also about standing up for what I know is right and doing all I can to stop what is wrong such as child/slave labour, animal cruelty and so very much more, but in a way that I can be taken seriously. There is negetivity that can surround desire as well and so through my experiences I've learned ways to deal with it.
This wholeness as I know today will expand as I grow but the lessons within the pieces won't change. Everything I do, everyone I've encountered, every place I've been to, have all contributed to where I am at right now....And I really like where I'm at right now. I love my Whole Life.

About Me

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Life-long Vegetarian and proud to be Canadian. Really, I'm a little bit of everything, all rolled into one. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint (I do not feel ashamed) I'm your hell, I'm your dream (I'm nothing in between) You know, I wouldn't want it any other way..... (I'd like to think that song was written about me! lol)