Oprah aired over the years. Some may say "good riddance" but I have a deep appreciation for what Oprah has brought to this world. I watched her on TV with my Mum and my Gran when I was a child and have always been inspired by her. She has been a force in so many of our lives. I feel like I understand her messages. We are all connected in a spiritual and divine energy and in order to appreciate this, you would have to be on that wavelength, tuned in, in sync, connected....however you want to envision it! Wisdom emanates from the heart while knowledge comes from the mind and Oprah possesses both. Every true Oprah fan would have seen the Farewell show by now. I was a mess watching it, and I watched it alone, late at night the way I wanted it to be. Just me, Oprah and a glass of white. The episode summed up the entirety of what she has been doing all these years..... her main lesson 'you are responsible for the energy you bring to yourself and to others as well as to every space you enter.' What we do with our energy matters. What you put out in the world, returns to you.
About a month ago a long time friendship I had with a girlfriend was severed and I feel like I was broken up with. She'll never read this blog but to be fair I'll change her name.... for the this purpose I'll refer to her as 'Lisa' and if she does read this blog she'll know why I chose 'Lisa'! I knew in the weeks leading up to the night it happened that her energy was different. I tried to over compensate with energy I was pulling from other sources like my family and other friends but I could feel her deflecting it. Instead of validating the people in my circle, I stole from them to give to her. She wasn't open to receiving it and I was draining myself trying to connect to her. It was wasted energy. I even asked other friends to do what they could to open her up, ....I was desperate to save something that I couldn't reach. Our connection disappeared before I knew it. This was very new for me. Not often, but I've felt similar before in a few other relationships in my life. I eventually get to a point where I'm so drained from trying that I pull my energy back and give up....and when I do I often feel a sense of peace and calm, and grateful to myself for identifying that I needed to do that for my soul. When I begin to accept certain people are fading out of my life I'm ok because of that process. When I come to realize how much energy I put into keeping it together I have to re-think where I can spend that energy elsewhere and do good with it instead. And things usually come full circle for me when I do that. As if there was a reason for needing to re-direct it. This friendship with 'Lisa' was different. I never pulled back. I was shut out instead. We spent sixteen years being friends and there was a lot of great energy swapped throughout that time. She chose to re-direct her focus on a man who knows this energy concept, even if he doesn't realize he knows it, and has used it to pull her in. I'm sick about it. I miss her. When a picture of her pops up on my computer, I cry, and I don't want to but I do. When I drive past the restaurant we 'broke up' in I cry, and I can't make myself not cry. It happens to my heart before I can tell my head to just stop thinking about her.
I've been sad and drained about this for weeks but when I watched Oprah's Farewell show the other day, she reminded me I should be taking responsibility for how I'm spending that energy. It's not my fault she wasn't open to receiving it from me anymore, it's not my fault that it doesn't seem to bother her that we don't know what is going on in each others lives and it's not my fault that she can't balance her energies enough to make it all work. But it is my fault for holding onto the excess energy she deflected and not re-directing it. It's too much to hold onto and has been weighing me down. It's full of anxiousness and desperateness right now, so I'll give it a detox then give it away to someone or something in this universe where it'll have a positive impact. It's what is right.
I'm going to miss watching the weeks worth of my PVR'd Oprah shows on the weekends, but her wisdom, knowledge that she's shared, vibes she's sent, empowerment, inspiration and more than I can even describe with words will stay with me forever and will always be felt in my heart.
Farewell, but not Goodbye, Oprah! xo