Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Bringing Balance To My Being

I believe everyone has an energy about them. I believe every thing in the Universe is made up of energy. It surrounds us. It can flow through us giving us a lift. It can escape us and make us feel low. And I believe good energy is infused with love. Sometimes you have to give more than you receive, sometimes you get more than you give but it goes back and forth refreshing your soul with a constant balanced flow. Not a day goes by that I don't tell my children and my husband that I love them. I'm drawn to their energies and feed off their glow.

They say that tragedy brings family closer together and I think that might be because we are stilled in those times. The chaos of energies comes to a halt allowing us to grieve. The people who love you hearts will fill naturally with compassion, surround you with warmth and feed you the healing energies you need to get through the process. As you begin to feel better those healing energies pick up the pace little by little and merge back into the good energy flow that is typical of a content soul. In the times of helplessness it's visible who is really there for you; who really cares. These are the people you want to give back to. It's a cycle of unconditional love and is more powerful than any medication could ever heal me. It's human nature at it's finest.

The only flaw to the process is when you learn some of the love in that cycle is actually conditional by someone you're depending on to draw from. Conditional in the sense that they are family, a part of your life, but not your energy flow. It's ok to include them in your life's routines but to expect to hear an I Love You spoken aloud may be crossing the comfort line for these people. Both my mother and sister have never been more absent in my life than they have been in the weeks surrounding the loss of my son. My sister has never acknowledged Declan's passing. These were two beings I assumed because they are family would offer a flow of uplift while we were at our weakest; but instead turned their backs in our time of need. I've often thought to myself if I can get through these circumstances without them then what do I really need them for? ..until I found meaning in it all.

Unconditional love should flow naturally through us but if there are too many negative energies filling someones being then it would block that flow. Misinterpretations, not knowing how to handle situations, selfishness and feeling overwhelmed can create such negativity and blockages in our spirit. Negative energy is heavier than positive energy. We know this, we feel this. So in understanding this, how could I possibly expect such persons to be able to give what they simply do not have? Why have I never understood it like this before, because nothing has changed; it's always been this way. Why did I expect it to be different when I lost my son?! These woman are my blood, but love is not drawn from blood..
I'm fortunate to be gifted with these awarenesses for if I wasn't it would be a shame for how sad life might seem in these times. Instead of of taking their abandonment personally I can wrap some understanding around it and be grateful that I can see it in this way. It makes my life less complicated and I feel an infinite sense of appreciation for those who choose to be a part of it. Those who chose to not take part in my healing process are still seen in my life, but just disconnected from the flow which is unfortunate for them as they cannot benefit from the power this energy cycle can offer them. I could choose to feel alienated by them but instead I forgive out of pity for what they have missed out on. There are plenty of people surrounding me to pick me up when I fall. And I love them back for it, keeping the cycle flowing with all the love infused energy I need to un-still me, make my inner light shine again ..and bring balance to my being.

About Me

My photo
Life-long Vegetarian and proud to be Canadian. Really, I'm a little bit of everything, all rolled into one. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint (I do not feel ashamed) I'm your hell, I'm your dream (I'm nothing in between) You know, I wouldn't want it any other way..... (I'd like to think that song was written about me! lol)