The Goodness Of An All Crust Sandwich

My boys take lunches to school big enough to fill grown men. Sometimes they come home with a few things left over, sometimes they give things away ..and sometimes they just eat it all. This morning, I told the kids to start getting their lunches together and that I'll be downstairs soon to help them pack it up when they are done. When I did my mommy inspection (they know there are certain musts like minimum two fresh fruits before I give their lunch the ok!) I was surprised to find what I did. In Carter's bag I saw an all crust sandwich. A sandwich made with the two end slices of the bread. This was a new loaf meaning he had to dig his way through my bread to get the other end slice. I picked the sad looking sandwich up to see it was simply jam inside. My kids don't take jam sandwiches. They have a thermos so they can take a hot lunch but if they did want a sandwich there are all kinds of cheeses in the fridge, Tofurky slices, lettuce, tomatoes ..he could even have made himself just a bagel with cream cheese. I called him into the kitchen and asked him about it. He told me very confidently 'it's just what I want for today' however my youngest interrupted and said 'It's because of his friend!' I immediately jumped on Carter about the dangers of doing things just because another kid tells you too. I began to lecture him, telling him I'm trying to raise him in such a way that he doesn't participate in that sort of drama ..but I could see him welling up. I had to stop when I saw the tears rolling down his face as he shook his head back and forth. And this is what he told me:

"No, Mom, it's because my friend Jordan brings an all crust sandwich to school ..a lot. And this boy Dawson makes fun of him every time he does. And yesterday, this mean boy Dawson told Jordan that he's just like the two end slices of bread on his sandwich; the part that no one likes"

My heart sank. I knew where he was going with this. 

"I can tell it makes Jordan feel embarrassed. So today I'm taking an all crust sandwich so he doesn't feel bad and Dawson will see that someone does like Jordan. And that it's not a big deal to have that kind of sandwich. It's not to be a follower or make fun of him. It's to make Jordan feel better!"

At this point I'm welling up with guilt, pride and love. I hugged him, told him I couldn't be any more proud of him and of course I apologized for misunderstanding the situation. I'm wowed that he came up with this tactic on his own and that it's a bright solution to old school lunch room teasing.

I called the school and explained that Carter would be crushed if he knew I was calling but I wanted the lunch teacher to be aware and eavesdrop on that conversation when it goes down; just in case it gets heated. I'm the mommy. And as proud as I am of my boy, I still have a need to protect my little protector as he quietly fulfills his peer lessons of acceptance and empathy ;) 

Mom, We KNOW!

It's a weekday morning ritual. Most days it's up to me to get my boys and my two nieces on the school bus. The girls come over just as my boys have finished packing their belongings & brushing teeth. They sit and watch TV and as soon as Pokemon is over, they know they need to hustle and get out the door. When I heard the show was over this morning I said as I always do "C'mon Kids, let's get going!" and Carter responded with such certainty "Mom, we KNOW that when Pokemon is done we need to go, you don't always have to tell us!!" In that moment I realized that they are that independent, that they don't need that cue call anymore ..they understand routine and time lines. For years it has been my job to keep things in order and without even realizing it, I've trained my successors. I took a minute to think about other small things that they do on their own and felt a sense of Mommy accomplishment; a sense of Mom pride for the things you don't intentionally teach them but by setting a good example, they learn. Those things.
As I stood there internalizing all of this Carter called me out of my trance and says "Coming Mom?!" Oh, right! The school bus! With my usual pottery mug full of coffee in hand we did our usual walk to the stop, waved to the same usual neighbours and met up with the other Moms and Kids as we always do. I like this routine but wonder how much longer it too will last as they all go and grow up on me. As the bus approaches all four of them gather around me, their lips pursed for smooches and one by one I get to kiss them them all goodbye for the day, thanking my lucky stars they are not so grown up that they want to give that up just yet. It makes me smile inside and out.
And as for the next day I get them on the bus, I'm just going to stand back with my coffee and watch them finish their TV show, get their things together on their own without telling them what needs to be done and wait for my "Coming Mom?!" cue.

RIP MCA ..Love Carter

I was at work last night when I heard the news about the death of MCA. My kids were asleep when I got home but my husband told me he had mentioned it to the Boys. Carter was kind of weirded out by his death when he brought it up to me this morning.. and said it was really odd that I didn't leave him a Star Wars Shirt out to wear yesterday.
I know why. I always leave my kids clothes out for the week and the outfits reflect the type of activities they will be involved in for the day as well as coordinate with what the weather forecast has predicted. (yes, I'm that damned organized) May 4th was Star Wars Day. My kids have a few different character shirts I could have laid out for them but for some reason at the time of sorting their laundry, Star Wars Day had slipped my mind. Instead I had left Carter's loved, well worn Beastie Boys Shirt out for that morning..
When Carter mentioned this coincidence to me today I could see his heart through his eyes and I understand that he gets what I get. He feels that sense of connectedness and notices that even small coincidences should not go unnoticed. It's not about him relating in any way to this band personally; it's about realizing the awareness that we are all connected in some way or another. He was born with these instincts but is just beginning to recognize the wonder behind them all. It's pretty awesome to watch and see.

RIP MCA

Double Digits

My son will be turning ten soon and entering the double digits of life. I know it sounds cliche but it really does only seem like yesterday that he was a newborn baby in his little glass hospital bed and completely dependent on me. Every decision in his life was made by us; his parents. He's growing up on me way too fast! As a Mom, it's crazy when you realize that every minute of everyday that you've spent with your child has made an impression on them. Everything you've said, done and decided will have had an impact on how they are living their lives and how they treat others.
Tomorrow this son of mine, my first born is going to his 'girlfriends' birthday party. I took him out this evening to pick out a gift and was amazed at the thought he put onto this present. As I watched him pick out her card and the heart necklace (heart necklace!!) I wondered to myself how much longer I can still consider him a child; before long he'll be making all decisions on his own. All I can do is hope that we as his parents have influenced him in such a way that he will make the ones that will make us proud. ..And so far so good.


- Posted from Jennifer's iPhone

I Don't Eat Animals

My seven year old son has to write a paragraph each week on a different topic. Somehow he always manages to fit some sort of sport into his paragraph or talk about a fun event he went to however much to my surprise (and delight!) he chose the topic of 'Animals' this week; this is what he wrote.



- Posted from Jennifer's iPhone

Limited Perspective

This evening I attended my children's 'Holiday' School Concert. In years past this school has put on phenomenal concerts that have included equal mentions from many cultures and how people of various ethnicities take part the number of holidays there are to be celebrated in this world. Tonight was of enormous disappointment to me. A huge screen was pulled down in front of the stage, some kids came out and did a skit on the "Christmas Story". I honestly thought they were going to start acting out a scene from the "A Christmas Story" film where they tell Ralphy he'll "shoot his eye out" ...but to my surprise, they meant it in the biblical sense. The kids began telling the audience about Mary and Joesph, they talked about Jesus in his manger, and threw out the "g" word on a number of occasions. Next, all of the children, including my boys start belting out the words to a very religious sounding song!! I was floored. In a moment of silence after the clapping, but before the next act, I could not restrain myself from saying aloud that I thought this was a public school!? A non denominational environment!? I had a family in front of me turn, nod and smile as if to agree with my statement. I'm guessing they weren't the only ones either. Our school is made up of a number of nationalities, which is why I really love it so much. I grew up in a primarily white community and I didn't want that for my kids. I wanted there to be more diversity in their lives; I wanted to raise them in an atmosphere that appreciates and embraces all cultural differences ...so we moved.. here! We do not practice religion in our home, however we live amongst spirituality and higher consciousness in a secular sense. Until this evening I haven't worried that my children would be exposed to christian based teachings. (And 'christian' is not capitalized on purpose by the way) At least not without other religious ways being referred to also so as to not have a preachy, biased, christian superiority feel hovering over. And tonight it did. Unfortunately the concert was tainted by this narrow mindedness and I could not focus for the remainder out of fury. We have the best most warm hearted principal our school has seen and some wonderful, caring teachers on staff. It's just such a shame these public school children are being taught with such limited perspective all because 'the many' believe christianity is of the utmost highest regard.

Art In Heaven

My son's class is going to a Pioneer Village on a field trip next week. A permission form was sent home asking parents to sign off on allowing the kids to participate in Opening Ceremonies while they are there.  Our public school stands for O'Canada every morning and I have taught my children why we show respect for the playing of the National Anthem.  The Opening Ceremonies on this field trip however includes reciting the Lord's Prayer and singing God Save The King.

I hesitated at signing off on it but did after much thought, still indicating I'd leave it up to Carter to decide that day. Just because we do not practise religion in our home doesn't mean I can't expose my children to what others celebrate and recognize. We live in a very diverse community for a reason.... we moved here on purpose with diversity in mind and so there are religions and traditions that go along with various cultures here. I explained to Carter that some of his friends will know the words to these exercises and asked if he had ever heard about God before. He said he had but didn't really understand what it was. I told him that his Dad and I believe that a common thread in most religions is Spirituality, Love and Good Nature. Because we embrace those things within our family, we've never found it necessary to take part in any one particular religion that defines a who or a what you're supposed to believe in. Instead, we believe what we feel and that it's ok to feel differently from one another.

Yesterday, he came home from school with his music duo tang in hand, absolutely furious. He slammed it down on the stairs and asked me why I had signed off on that form if I knew what Opening Ceremonies meant. It turns out they are learning them in music class before the trip. I asked why he was so angry about it and my not-quite-nine-year-old son said to me "Why would you want me to learn a song about Gods and Kings thinking they are better than anyone else when our family treats all people the same. Who do those people think they are??" He had a point. He hasn't figured out Hierarchy just yet....! I raise my kids to live a compassionate lifestyle and that involves but is not limited to treating the human race, all animals and the universe with respect. How could I possibly have thought he wouldn't pick up on the Hierarchy so evident in these religious ceremonies? I am fully aware that God Save The King was once Canada's National Anthem and so because it was at one time a representation of our country, it is the only reason I struggle with him not having respect for it.... however, I "get" what he is saying and admire him for noticing that. I told him I can support him there and if he doesn't feel comfortable singing about that he doesn't have to. I asked him if he had any thoughts on the Lord's Prayer. He responded, "What, that poem about Art In Heaven? I think it must just mean the author is talking about the shapes the clouds make in the sky. Us humans can see them from here on Earth on the one side of them, so even though we all look at the same thing we can all see it a bit differently, so it doesn't really matter who you are or where you live, on Earth or in Heaven, you can still see the art....just differently"

His take on hierarchy and this analogy he came up with floored me. Religion is like an Art, of which we all interpret in different ways. I get it. And I'm very proud of and wowed by this baby boy of mine.

Hannah's Hanse

My friend @kristengall posted this video of her daughter from a few years ago.... an little eco activist in the making! I am absolutely loving this. There are some grown ups that don't even get what Hannah obviously already understands at this young of an age. I'm impressed by this and am thankful there are other parents in this world who teach their children about the importance of helping our planet. Watch and enjoy. It's beautiful.

Callum Talking About Piglet

Chris Was Not Impressed With The Idea Of Fa-Chris Day!

Grounded.... or not!

My kids know the routine. When they get home from school they need to empty their lunch bags, put the ice pack in the fridge and do their homework. This is just the way it goes. On Monday morning as we were leaving for the school bus, Carter opened his school bag and pulled out the homework he didn't do and asked me to do it quickly for him!! Grade two, and he tried to get me to do his homework. I told him he was grounded (for the first time ever) when he got home. No playing hockey outside, no Wii, no DS, no friends over.... grounded. After he left for school I noticed amidst the chaos he had forgot to pack his shoes and would need them for gym, so of course they needed to be delivered to the school. Yep. He was grounded! As soon as he got home, he got right to work on his homework and then handed me this note.

How adorable is he....

He's so not in trouble in now.

My Christmas Spirit Spark

There was some questioning going on at my house this year about the reality of Santa. Carter told me some kids in his class and on the bus say Santa isn't real but his teacher told them "If you don't believe, you don't receive" My heart sank when he told me this. The few things I truly love about Christmas (and there isn't a whole lot that I truly love about Christmas I should mention) is the innocence, wonder and the magic of what might be. I told the boys my story again about when I was a little girl and saw Santa putting presents under my tree, thinking that would generate some conversation. Callum was the first to speak and asked me if I got less gifts that year because Santa caught me cheating... thanks Callum for putting a negative spin on a perfectly magical story. That question was followed by his statement "I'm staying up all night to watch for him and I'm gonna catch him on video like we did the Tooth Fairy!" He changed his mind once I told him I did in fact get less gifts that year for cheating and I felt a sense of sadness that I was straight faced lying to my kids for my own benefit. Carter could read in me that something about this conversation bothered me and so he put his arms around my neck and looked me in the eye. "Mom, you got the best present of all though... you got the gift of seeing Santa!" There was magic in his eyes. There was belief. There was innocence.

He warmed my heart so much that it was melting in that moment. The guilt I had only seconds before for lying faded and the magical feeling of Christmas finally hit me. Here I was desperately trying to preserve the magic of Christmas for them, but it actually took them to spark it in me. This may be the last year I see that magic and that belief in Carter's eyes and so I've etched it into my memory so I'll always have it to draw on as my Christmas spirit spark in the years ahead.

Saroot Stole 'Em

As I was packing the kids lunches this morning Callum asked me for mini rice cakes again because he didn't get to eat his the other day. When I asked why, he told me "Saroot stole 'em!" He said he told the lunch monitor and that Saroot got in trouble.... he even got a detention after school. I asked Callum what he thought of that and to my delight he said "Maybe Saroot's mommy didn't buy rice cakes for his lunch and he just wanted some" So Callum wasn't angry. He has an understanding of why this boy would take from him. He wasn't feeling spiteful or happy that Saroot got a detention. Awesome.

I explained that the little boy should have asked Callum if he could have them and it's too bad that because he didn't use his words, he got in trouble. I suggested to Callum that we pack Saroot a little bag of rice cakes for himself today and Callum is feeling great about sharing with him.

It's hard to teach your kids about having empathy without having them turn out to be the people who get taken advantage of. It seems these boys of mine are on the right track so I'm gonna have to just let nature take it's course and watch how they choose to handle situations like this going forward.

As far as today goes, Callum and Saroot will each have rice cakes for snack and Callum is happy about that.

Good Morning, Sunshine!

My Mommy instincts told me at 5:45 this morning that someone was awake and was standing at my bedroom door.

Me: "Morning Sunshine, are you okay?"

Callum: "Good Morning, Mommy, I just wanna have a snuggle with you"

He climbed into my bed and cuddled in close. Oh how this makes a mommy melt! He began telling me about his wiggly tooth, which led to a conversation about the dentist and the Tooth Fairy, which led to talking about Santa and how he must use a jet to get to all the malls and IKEA to have breakfast and pictures with all the kids because he has to go to so many of them... The conversations were delightful. Then, he used his little index finger and started tracing the letters printed on the shirt of my pj's. "Mom, what does this word say?" I told him it said Peace. "Mom, what does peace mean?"

This was it. This was my moment where I had an opportunity to speak to my young son about what peace means.... to me, anyways. He was quite intrigued and asked a lot of questions around the topic. We talked about war & soldiers & anti-violence, we talked about balance, we talked about friendships, unity, karma, behaviour and being good to all of mankind. It was a highly intellectual conversation to be having between a mommy and a five year old especially at that hour in the morning, but it thrilled me. The alarm went off at 6:30am so we got up and got on with our day, but I cannot express in words how much I enjoyed my unexpected little snuggle with Callum today. And I think my Peace pj's have just become my new favourites!

Winter Is Coming & The Days Are Getting Shorter

Tonight at dinner Carter said "Mom, this dinner tastez really good! You're the best!" (It makes me feel so great when the kids say stuff like that to me!) Then he said "So, I guess you'll have to get dinner ready earlier now that the days are getting shorter and we won't be in school as long" He continued, "Now that it's almost winter and it's getting darker earlier, we'll be home from school sooner and you'll have to have dinner ready sooner too!"

I LOVE how kids take things so literally. So very innocent... so very sweet.

Kisses & Love

Carter has started to comment about certain boys at school having "girlfriends" and how so and so "kissed each other" It's really quite comical how they interpret affection at such a young age, aside from what they know as being normal amongst family members. Even in high school, a sign of affection meant something BIG; it was a possibility. If a guy were to kiss you, like on the cheek kiss you, it could mean this is leading somewhere. If the word LOVE ever came up, you might as well consider yourself married and if it came from a girlfriend then you just might be a lesbian.... but it was up to your friends to come to a conclusion. Basically, you just avoid all signs of affection unless you were really into someone. It's confusing. I can see why Carter is all talk about this.

It's funny how that all changes as you age and as you mature. My girlfriends and their husbands would never leave my house without giving me good bye kisses. If I drop them off at home after being out... thank you kisses. If we run into each other unexpectedly..... happy to see you kisses. If we show up at each others places unannounced.... welcome kisses. When we meet at a restaurant for dinner.... glad you could make it kisses. If something sad happens.... so sorry kisses. There is no thinking twice about it. It's an expectation.

And the word Love is used more openly as an adult, I think because it goes hand in hand with the word Respect. My friends and I say I love you a lot. And we mean it. It's so great when you get to this point in your life where our nervousness, ego and guard can be let down and you can show people how you really feel about them without any awkwardness. Trying to explain this to someone as young as Carter just wouldn't make sense. Trying to explain it to anyone who isn't in a committed relationship probably couldn't make sense of it either, now that I think about it. You almost have to go through all the motions and emotions before you really get it. You have to feel grounded, solid and secure of yourself and your relationships. I believe it comes with age. Guess I'll have to wait til he is 30-something and giving congratulations kisses, good by kisses etc etc to his friends spouses before he will truly understand how it all works. For now, it seems he is too busy with playground weddings for this kind of talk so it'll have to wait.

Smoocheroo, I Love You!

It's our "thing"... it's what we do, it's what we say... "Smoocheroo, I Love You!" First thing in the morning we say it, when they get on and off the school bus or when I leave for work we say it. It's our thing. I just said it one day when Carter was really really little, and it has stuck ever since. If I'm in a hurry and try to just yell it up the stairs to the boys before leaving the house, they freak out and come running because they tell me you can't just say Smoocheroo, I Love You, you have to DO Smoocheroos too, and thats where I get my little boy kisses that I love so much.

I've often thought about what things will look like when my boys grow up and wish I could just freeze time right now for a little while longer. I know they won't stay little for long and so I really, really enjoy my kids. Some people aren't fortunate to realize this until it's too late and they miss out. I find comfort in knowing I'll have no regrets there. I do worry that once the kids grow and have their own lives, schedules and even families that what I have now will be gone. Will they want to come running to me to tell me about their day? Will they have a big smoocheroo for me in return when I kiss them as adults? Who really knows, but I have hope because of what I heard someone say the other day.

He is a grown 25 year old guy who was giving me a run down of what he figured his Friday night was going to look like. He had a blind date but said he hadn't seen his Mom in days because they had both been so busy and told me very casually he just wanted to run home first to kiss her and check in on her before heading out.... From a Mom perspective, those words make a mommy melt!! MELT! OMG! It can happen! They can grow up and still love their mommies like little boys are supposed to! Obviously his Mom did her job well and I'm hoping my boys feel I am too. I won't expect them to say "Smoocheroo, I Love You" at that age but if I can get the love, respect and acknowledgement his Mom gets from him.... I'll know I raised them right!

X-Ray In Two Languages

Carter, who has begun learning cursive writing at school, was showing Callum how he can print and write. He wrote the word x-ray twice, printing it once then handwritten the second time. He then proudly said "See Callum, I can write x-ray in two different languages."

Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Some might call them weeds. Not I. These yellow beauties that pop up all over my grass during the summer are sometimes the highlight of my day.

When I send my boys out to play, they pick them for me. They come running into the house with big bright smiles on their adorable little faces saying, "Mom! Mom! These are for you!!" They are full of pride when they hand them over and it makes me happy to know they are learning how wonderful it feels to give. I even have a special Dandelion vase that magnets to the fridge where I can keep them in water. (Yes, I keep my "weeds" in water.)

I do love Fall but now that Summer has come to an end, the Dandelions gifts from my kids are few and far between. I am treasuring every last one I get these days.

You Da Meanest Mommy Evah!!

Yep. I've heard it before and I'm sure I'll hear it again. "You da meanest Mommy evah!" (Callum) and "Wutz you pwobwem anyways?" (Kaitlyn) and also "I'm so sick of you" (courtesy of Kaitlyn again) I have heard these words come from the mouths of the children I love and devote my life to.

Today we spent the afternoon at the SPCA animal shelter at my neice's birthday party. It was a great place for the kids to be as they can really learn a lot about compassion, giving and gratitude at a place like that. There were so many dogs, cats and other animals waiting to be adopted. It was hard to read all of the little blurbs posted on each of their kennels about where they came from, their characteristics and why they are there. Although they are all very unique in their own way, they all had in common their search for a "Forever Home."

I clearly explained to my family before going in, that we were NOT going to be bringing a pet home today. We have had a dog before and I was not ready to have another one yet. Admittedly, my heart sank a little as I watched my kids (especially Callum) gaze at the pets as they walked past each cage.

We successfully left empty handed but not without a struggle. I was expecting to hear the children tell me I was the meanest Mommy ever. I was expecting them to put up a fuss about not getting a pet, even though they were warned ahead of time. But they didn't. It is my husband who is giving me a hard time!! The mood he has been in since leaving there and the lines he has thrown at me in reaction to us leaving empty handed is unbelievable. He basically had all the dogs he would like to have picked out and all I had to do was choose one. Wasn't that sweet of him? He was letting ME choose!?! How very considerate of him! His behaviour was worse than any of the children's and his arguments for wanting to get a dog today were very weak. I am the one who will be home with it all day and a new dog is like having another baby in the house. I already do home daycare... I don't need to have another baby around right now. I am the one who would have to walk it and be home for it. We wouldn't be able to take off for weekends away without planning for someone to take it. I hardly ask anyone to baby-sit for me. Just how am I supposed to ask for someone to dog-sit for me? I am not ready to make these commitments yet. One of these days, far, far from today, I imagine we will once again have a dog in the house but today is not that day.

Animal lover he is. Push over I am not. Guess today I'm da meanest wife EVAH!!