I Love My Not So High Places Life

Like many days, I spent the morning cleaning my house. Today I tackled the kids bathroom; bleached the toilet (yes ..bleach, I know, I know..) scrubbed the tub, disinfected the sinks, mopped the floor and changed the shower curtain. It's quite a chore for a little space but as I was working away I realized that I really like what I'm doing. I have a sense of pride in my accomplishment when I clean my home; the place where I eat, sleep, hang out and raise my family in.
I used to work full time. I loved my job and for that time in my life it was a good fit. I'd sometimes feel mentally drained at the end of the day and would want to do nothing more than lay on the couch and watch TV. And that was okay because I could. No one else really depended on me then. I gave it my all during the day; put out all the energy I had in me to be sure the work I did reflected a job well done and in the awesome cycle of energy I would gain back from that what I needed to put into another day. And so on and so on ..until I became a Mom. I had my son in the daycare centre in my place of employment; very convenient some might assume! But I hated it. I hated the rushed mornings where he would have to hoover his toaster waffle down in the commute, I hated leaving him with other people, strangers, who would get to witness him take his first steps, I hated having to feed him dinner at my desk because I had to work later hours than what the daycare was open, I hated that I was so mentally and physically drained by the end of the day that I had no desire to do anything else with my son once we got home ....I hated it all. But it didn't last long. In a matter of months I was expecting again, gave birth to my second son and never returned to work again. Instead I set up shop in my home and for six wonderful years I ran a home based child care centre and never ever missed what I once had. A few years into doing daycare in my friend from my previous place of employment called me with an offer I couldn't refuse. She had a very part time position in which she wanted me to take for five hours per week on the weekend. It was perfect for me then and since the children have all grown up and my childcare business phased itself out I've taken on more hours. I couldn't be happier.
I've been offered positions in the last few years, one of which was with the head office and would have required me to travel, which was not an option at all for this homebody. Recently another one has come my way and I've felt sick about it since it was put out there. As I cleaned my boy's bathroom I thought about my friends in high places; how my teacher friends, lawyer friends, police friends, real estate friends and top business exec friends manage their work/life balance and realized the things that occupy my life are not a part of theirs. They have people to clean their homes, a nanny to watch their children and cook their meals (and who they also take on vacations with them) They have gardeners to tend to their lawns so that they can spend their weekends at the cottage in the summer and someone to shovel the snow and hang their Christmas lights so they can be away at the condo skiing in the winter. Some have their kids in private schools and others take vacations a few times per year. (and some do both) If I could bring home a decent salary, which I believe this position would pay, we could have a few of those extra luxuries as well, ..but I don't want them. I like it here where I am. I don't mind cleaning my own mess up and scrubbing my bathrooms. I like cooking a homemade meal for my family. I don't travel much because I don't care to. Shovelling snow counts as my workout some winter mornings. I like my not high places life. I feel so much anxiety around being away from my home life any more than I already am. When will I find time to do the grocery shopping let alone plan a menu for the week?! Who will balance the bank book and get the bills paid? What if something goes technically wrong at work one day where I have to stay late and miss out on one of my kids activities? Who will get them to Baseball, Soccer, Swimming, Tennis etc etc?! When will I have time shop for the perfect gift when they are invited to the birthday parties of classmates, or for the family or for Christmas? How do I squeeze in time to take them for haircuts every month, when do I go get my nails done, when do I plan our little camping getaways or water park weekends, when do you go for bike rides and ice cream, when do I do date night with my husband or go out with friends without feeling I'm sacrificing family time, what about dentist and doctor appointments and what about volunteering on school trips?! When that time is consumed with working more hours, how do I manage it all? Because for me to take on a full time, mentally draining job such as the one on my plate right now it would have to enhance my life, not take away from it. Soon enough my kids will be old enough to stay home by themselves, make plans on their own and I'll be needed less. But I like that they need me right now.
And as I stood on the steps of my bathtub hanging the new shower curtain I looked around at the sparkly sight of my hard work and realized nothing I'll ever be offered from any employer will ever compare to the sense of accomplishments I feel from being a housewife/good mommy. Yes, I have friends in high places, but for now I love my not so high places life.

Stolen Time

It doesn't happen very often, but everyone (except me, fingers crossed!) in my house is sick and has been for three days now.  It's times like these that I really get to see how unbelievably chaotic our lives are. Once an illness sets in, everything comes to a stand still and it becomes so very obvious that we run ourselves ragged day to day when we're feeling well. The kids have missed school and all their extra curricular activities, my husband and I have both called in sick to work and we had to cancel a dentist appointment and a family commitment for today. That time has been replaced with watching TV in PJ's, playing a few video games, lying on the couch, reading and talking. Yes, talking. I've spoken more to my kids these last few days than I have since they started back at school in September. It's actually pretty fabulous in a way, .... this slow down of events we're experiencing is giving me a chance to re-charge myself. Everything has come to a halt and we actually have time to be a family. (a gross, pukey, germ infested family but I'll take what I can get) Because they're sick, there aren't any expectations that I'm going to take them anywhere, buy them anything or do anything "fun". They're content with my homemade soup, Gravol and snuggles on the sofa. I'm loving that part. The laundry, the whining, the sounds of them all throwing up and the need to constantly disinfect I could do without, but otherwise I'm in a way sort of grateful for the time we've managed to steal away from the rest of the world these last few days. It's taken the chaos of catering to my sick family to appreciate the need to slow life down as we eventually slide back into reality.

The Tables Are Turning

It was only a few short years ago that I was a mom to two very young boys and caregiver to various other children, all of whom were like my own to me. Many of those days are still a blur. I'd answer the door before 6:30am and would often close the door behind the families at 6:30pm...sometimes later. As long and as exhausting both physically and mentally as those days were, I got up every morning looking forward to my job. There were many mornings where I would go out to get coffee before any of the kids arrived but by 9am I'd have given my right arm for another. Once in awhile, my mum would call and offer to drop one off to me. And once in awhile I'd ask her to stay with the kids once they were all napping so I could run out to the dentist or pick something up from the store. She would almost always agree and I was careful not to ask too often but I always felt like she had no idea how trapped I was sometimes, because of the kids routines and needs. She was a stay at home mom so you'd think she'd remember what it was like but that was a long long time ago. In my line of work there is no such thing as a lunch or coffee breaks so when opportunities for me to leave the kids for half an hour would arise, I was more appreciative than anyone will ever know.

Last week my Grandmother, who lives with my mother, had a stroke. My mum has been on duty catering to her every need since it happened. I see the exhaustion in my mum. I see her struggling to keep it all together for the sake and well being of my Gran. But I also see there is a want to be that person, similar to how I wanted to be that person to my kids and the kids I provide childcare to. Today, my mum asked me to pick up a few things at the store for her and when I asked if she wanted a coffee I could hear that same sound of desparation in her voice that I once had when she would offer to bring me one. When I arrived at her place, I asked if she needed to run out anywhere and told her I would "granny-sit", just as she had agreed to "baby-sit" for me when I needed it. I could tell by her reaction that she was thankful to be getting out of the house for awhile....a feeling I can relate to.

My kids are all school-aged now and I can run out or get coffee whenever I want. In fact, I've never been as free as I am these days. I'm seeing the tables turning now though. My mum has been free for many many many years now but is entering a new chapter of her life where she is once again depended on full time. My childcare job taught me a lot of things over the years and the sense of appreciation I developed will carry forward as I do coffee delivery and "granny-sit" more often from now on.


- Posted from Jennifer's iPhone

Because Of Things Like Vanilla Rice Krispies, I Cannot Be A Full Time Working Mom

On the odd day here and there when I have to work a morning shift at my very very part time job, it's total chaos in my house. On the drive into work I feel anxious everytime that I didn't make beds, I worry that my kids are going to need me and I won't be home and I hate that the breakfast dishes often stay dirty either in the sink, if they make it that far, but usually are left on the table right where the kids ate. The Vanilla Rice Krispies are glued onto the table by the time I get home at night because of the sugar coating and you almost have to use steel wool to get them off sometimes. I also feel the guilt of the morning rush. My kids are used to having fairly mellow mornings. There's always time to watch a bit of TV or play a video game before school but on my work mornings everything is a mad rush.
Tomorrow is going to be one of my work mornings and I've spent more time organizing for it than the amount of hours I'll actually work in my shift. I don't know how full time working moms do it. They are stronger that I.

- Posted from Jennifer's iPhone

A Paycheque Being A Mom?

How much am I am worth? It can be calculated here if you are interested in finding out! The website salary.com will calculate how much you should be paid for being a mom. It says I could be making anywhere from $68,ooo.oo to $181,000.00 in US funds! Could my cheque please be retroactive to when I gave birth to my first born?

I'm A Provider

I am an Early Childhood Educator who cares for approximately 4-5 children per day who I treat as though they are my own. I call myself a "stay-at-home mom" even though we are seldom ever in my home. We go on nature walks, visit indoor playgrounds, go to preschool and Early Years Centers. We go to Provincial parks, water parks, neighbourhood parks & amusement parks. We are a busy bunch and I love what I do.

When I worked outside of my home full time, I always felt like there weren't enough hours in the day. I was on salary which meant I spent more time at work than I got paid for. By the time I got home, I had dinner to get together, laundry to do, groceries to buy and homework to do. (Yes, like many of us I'd spend 45 hours + at work each week and would still have homework to do in the evening) All my life, I had wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Here I was with a two year old son in daycare and another on the way..... I liked my job but I love my family most and at that point hated how I was living my life. I continued this lifestyle until I went on maternity leave with my second child and decided I needed to make a change.

Two weeks after my youngest was born, I got a call from my boss telling me there was some re-organization happening in my department and that there would be changes made to my position. I didn't agree with the changes being implemented and discovered this was the push I needed to make the decision to be at home with my boys. My husband however, had just recently decided to pursue his dream of learning a trade and had taken on a five year apprenticeship. This was going to mean a drop in wages for him at the start as well as blocks of time where he would be in school and not have a steady income. I thought to myself, how can I be a stay-at-home mom now when I had just made this commitment to support him?? I was going to have to go back to work. I felt nauseous. I felt weak. I felt ripped off.

That is when I made the decision to offer a home child care program. I told myself if I was going to do this, I was putting my whole self into it and would merge my ideal version of a stay-at-home mother with a full-time working one. Until very recently I had children arriving at my home around 6:30 am and some didn't leave until 6:30pm (sometimes later) I only do house work if the mess was a result of one of the children having a mishap and it cannot wait. (spilled apple juice turns black on a white tile floor within minutes of a navy sock stepping into it. This I know for sure.) I seldom do laundry during the day (unless the apple juice was actually dumped onto one of the kids or if someone has peed themselves) and dinner gets started when the children have left the building. I pretty much have the same evening routine as I did before I stayed home.

As a stay-at-home mother, I still do not have enough hours in the day. I still find myself doing laundry as I'm trying to get dinner together. I have homework only now it is helping my grade 1 son with his word study or math. How do things differ from when I worked outside of the home? Well, I probably have less time to myself actually than ever before. I don't get a lunch break, I never get to drink my coffee warm unless I've heated it umteen times and at the end of the day, it doesn't amount to the salary I once made. On the flip side though? It's rewarding! At "work" I seldom got a thanks for anything I did, in fact my boss often took credit for my accomplishments. At home, the children I care for, care for me as well. They express their gratitude by saying "thank you" with their words and their smiles show me their appreciation for what I do for them. Who would have thought I could have it both ways?

I have the best job in the world and my title is "mom/full time child care provider"