Homemade Cleaners Using Essential Oils

I was reading the Momstown Hamilton Blog and saw this post for the Tea For Three Blog. I'm on a mission now for more recipes and will update this post when I come across them! For now, give this a read: Tea For Thre

Our New Reality

Rest In Peace Among This Garden Of Angels Baby Boy Of Mine

You know how sometimes you wake up from a terrible dream? And for a split second when you first open your eyes you freeze as the thought goes through your mind 'that was just a bad dream, that didn't really happen, everything is ok' followed by a feeling of relief. But for me when I place my hand on my stomach only to feel my flattened belly where my baby bump once was, I realize that nightmare was my reality.

Today marks the date I was due to deliver Declan. As of this moment I have to face the fact that I will not give birth, I will not bring another son home today and the visions I had for our family past April 20th, 2013 have changed. We really haven't made any plans for our summer because we had thought we'd have a baby in tow. Now that we won't we've just avoided booking camping and other events because it doesn't feel right. We envisioned we'd be a family of 'five' for everything we do past today. Having lost him four months ago you'd think I'd have prepared myself for this and these feelings, but the reality is it's too painful to brace yourself for such sadness. Instead of my kids coming to the hospital to meet their new brother, I'll take them over to visit his grave today. Instead of baby toys and clothes, we'll take him some blue roses and star shaped balloons. Although we've had months of grieving his loss already, this is day one of moving forward in our new reality.

Sleeping Sickness

What A Grieving Mother Really Thinks ~Kelly Cummings

Hello, Old Friend,

Oh, yes, you know

I lost my child a while ago.

No, no please

Don’t look away

And change the subject

It’s ok.

You see, at first I couldn’t feel,

It took so long, but now it’s real.

I hurt so much inside you see

I need to talk,

Come sit with me? 

You see, I was numb for so very long,

And people said, “My, she is so strong.”

They did not know I couldn’t feel,

My broken heart made all unreal.

But then one day, as I awoke

I clutched my chest, began to choke,

Such a scream, such a wail, 

Broke from me…

My child! My child!

The horror of reality.

But everyone has moved on, you see,

everyone except for me.

Now, when I need friends most of all,

Between us there now stands a wall.

My pain is more than they can bear,

When I mention my child,

I see their blank stare.

“But I thought you were over it,”

Their eyes seem to say,

No, no, I can’t listen to this, not today.

So I smile and pretend, and say, “Oh, I’m ok”.

But inside I am crying, as I turn away.

And so my old friend, I shall paint on a smile,

As I have from the start,

You never knowing all the while,

All I’ve just said to you in my heart.

~Kelly Cummings

Stubborn Love

So many marriages fall apart but I'd like to think Chris and I are in ours for the long haul. We're high school sweethearts so in a way we have grown up together. When we were young we created such a strong foundation that it will stabilize us for life, ..hopefully. Life's ups and downs have been a true test to what we can withstand. As fragile as we both are in these months following the loss of our baby we know that in the thick, heavy, foggy haze that surrounds us both (sometimes making one of us act a little crazier than usual) there is still that stubborn love that will always push through there to hold us together.

Burrito Brothers ..on TV!

Pretty cool stuff! My friend Saney and her co-owners of Burrito Brothers in Brantford were spotted in this OLG commercial today; she's famous now!!

If you're in the Brantford/Ancaster/Hamilton area this restaurant is definitely worth making time for. There are a number of Vegan/Vegetarian options and everything is made with LOVE. I ate my food so quickly when I was there that I forgot to take a picture to blog about! ..so another post about this fantastic little gem will follow sometime soon. Check them out on Twitter @BurrittoBrobrant or 'Like' their Facebook page to learn more about them ..but first watch this commercial then go in and ask them for their autograph! Sooo proud!!

You Never Know How Strong You Are..

My girlfriend Bridge (my 'bridge' who helps me across many obstacles in my life!) sent me this :)