Monday, October 22, 2012

Dear Diary:

So, I've posted less and less it seems in recent months. I feel like a little bit of my passion was crushed for awhile after I had asked a friend if he'd ever read this blog. He admitted he had, and asked if it was "a blog or a diary"... As embarrassed as I was of his opinion I looked back at some of my posts only to realize that my style is sorta that. An honest layout of my thoughts shared online. To the world. And when someone such as myself does this, I expose myself in a way that paves way for critics, opposing views and even mocking. I had started a few posts since then but left them in draft form because they fell into that 'diary' kind of category which I was trying to steer away from. If he, a friend thinks that of my blog, what must others think?? So I stopped posting for awhile. At least posts that involved my inner thoughts and feelings.

Then this morning happened. I was upstairs getting ready and could hear my kids talking downstairs. My older son told the younger son to not tell anyone where they got their new bow & arrows from (the Dollar Store) because their friends will make fun of them and say they are stupid and the toys are fake.. My younger son responded by saying if his friend Ryan asks him and he doesn't tell him, he won't be friends with him anymore. ....I had to intervene. I gave them a talking to about not being ashamed of their things, their thoughts, their interests and being judged. We went over the implications of threatening and feeling threatened by friendships and how to handle those situations. And as I spoke those words it occurred to me that I don't always practice what I preach..

And thats how this post came to be! This friend of mine, who I love and respect made a comment that I didn't know how to react to. And so I stopped doing what I do, stopped doing what interests me, and that isn't right. I know he won't be the only one in the world who comes across this blog and mocks it; it's one of the reasons I don't allow comments on it! But from the odd email I get here and there or Twitter DM from the people who do connect with what I say, I say it's worth putting myself out there. I overthink most things and this blog offers me an outlet to get some of those thoughts out of my head and clear up some space in my mind. It's not a diary. It's a tool; for myself and for anyone else who can relate to what I think and say on certain matters. I'm not ashamed (although I thought I was for awhile) of this blog. I'm grateful for what it offers me. It's a part of who I am and I realize what I choose to expose will be judged both in positive and negative forms. I learned a little something in the lesson I gave to my kids this morning, ..and it turns out I can handle the feedback after all ;)

About Me

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Life-long Vegetarian and proud to be Canadian. Really, I'm a little bit of everything, all rolled into one. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint (I do not feel ashamed) I'm your hell, I'm your dream (I'm nothing in between) You know, I wouldn't want it any other way..... (I'd like to think that song was written about me! lol)